I was talking to Adia this morning and she told me about how earlier she had seen a few small kids playing by her school, and she had a mental image of watching me, with our kid, trying to help him walk, as he took small steps on his tippy toes, holding my hands, and how cute we were together as a family. This made me think back to when I was a baby, and learning to walk, and also about my memories, and how many of them were documented. Just a few weeks prior to my moms death I had been watching home videos of me with Adia and my mom. They were all pretty cute and funny and whatnot, full of birthdays and christmases, school functions, and other events.
Not till Adia gave me this image did I realize how few videos I had of me with my parents. I realized that in most of the videos it was just me, or me and my friends, but rarely was it me and my parents, and I dont think that there was a single video that had me with both of them. At this moment, I made Adia promise me, that we would take turns taking videos of our kid, beacuse I realized that it was something that I feel like I am missing out on now, not having those memories documented and not being able to look back at the times I had with her.
I don’t blame my mom for not being in many of the videos. I understand that as a single parent you have to take yourself out from the front of the camera and go behind the scenes to be able to have something to look back on for everyone. I told my counselor about these thoughts today and she had a new perspective on the home videos I had. I’m not sure I’m comfortable looking at them this way, because of the fact that I know that I cant see her in the vidoes, but she told me that when watching the videos, I could think of them as seeing them through her eyes. Something about that doesnt seem right to me.
What I have realized is that no matter what, I want to have documents of times I spend with my kid. Not just for me to look back on, but for them to be able to look back and see their dad and mom, spending time with them, being happy, and being a family, because as the days go bye, I realize how important that is to me, and how helpful I think it would be for me to have that outlet, to be able to see her agian, happy, with me, and I want to give my kid that option. Whether I go when they are 2 or 82, I want them to have that option.
Realization for today…It’s never to early to start thinking and planning for your legacy.
February 18, 2009 at 10:55 am
YOU WOULD BE THE BEST DAMN DAD.
February 18, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Phillip,
You have some great insight here. As a parent it never occurred to me that it would be important for Taylor to see me and his dad with him in pictures and videos. It makes perfect sense, though. As a parent all we’re thinking about are our kids and how they’ll be grown one day. We want to highlight every little thing they do, celebrate every moment, and capture every memory while we can. I think we do this because we want to be able to look back ourselves and remember those times that pass too quickly. I don’t think it ever occurs to most parents that those memories are there for our children, too, and that we’re a part of those. I think that’s wonderful that you have that insight already because you will be able to give something special to your child or children.
As for what your counselor said, I’m not sure where she was going with that, but I understand why it’s a hard thing for you to do. She may be trying to help you focus on yourself. We all need to be able to get in touch with the child inside us and nurture that child. It sounds corny I guess, but we all have to be able to nurture ourselves and heal ourselves.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Love,
Sandy
February 20, 2009 at 10:45 am
I agree with Dylan, you will be an awesome dad some day, because your mother set a great example of how involved a parent should be in their childs life. You dad is a good dad also. I think it will be really cool to watch you when you have kids, just don’t do it anytime soon. LOL I’m not ready to be a great aunt. Great sounds so old, and I am not old. I love you. Keep up the blogs.