Dear Mom,

I just wanted to let you know that I miss you. I miss you so much. It’s been one month since I last spoke to you, and it’s been one month since you died. I think about you all the time, every day I miss you. I hate that I can’t call you and tell you about my day, and that I can’t ask for your help. I miss hearing your voice; I never noticed how much it helped and how comforting it was when I was upset. One thing that upsets me a lot is knowing that I won’t get to see you playing with your grandchildren. I know that you would have spoiled them with toys and clothes and you would do it just so you could tell me, “Now you get to see what it’s like raising a kid as spoiled as you!” I want to thank you for raising me like you did. I know it must have been difficult, I can’t even imagine the stress you went through. I do know however that you did a great job. Everyone has told me what a great young man I’ve turned into and I know it’s all because of you. You are the only person in my life who knows everything about me, and can tell what I am thinking or what I want before I even say hello. You were my best friend. I know that lots of people wouldn’t say that, but you were. I could tell you anything, I could hang out with you and we would be happy as friends not mother and son. All of my friends loved you, so much too. Shea was torn apart, Seth, Trevor, Jake, Dylan, they all miss you so much, and none of us could believe that we were just talking and playing games with you the night before. Adia was so shocked. I told her later that night after I found you, and she couldn’t believe it. Trent took me to see her and I stayed with her for a couple of hours I think, and I cried with her. She had already done her crying by the time I got there, because she wanted to be strong for me; she is. She is being so strong and so supportive. She misses you so much, I can’t even tell you. She writes about you, she talks to me about missing you. We were on our webcams the other day and we both started crying, she saw a commercial about angry onions and she remembered the angry onion that we had when we were all cooking dinner together and it made us all cry. She started to cry and I started to cry because I know that she misses you so much. I hate that you won’t be around to see our relationship grow. I wanted to have you at my wedding, and have you help her with making arrangements, because I know that you would want to be involved anyway possible. One of the first things that everyone mentioned that they were going to miss a lot was Dave and Busters. We all always had such a great time there. I want you to know that I am trying my hardest to be strong, it’s hard to keep moving forward day to day, because every day I miss you more and more and have more things to tell you, but can’t. Adia is such a strong woman and I love her so much, she is helping me make it through. I think the reason that I get so much comfort from her is because even though right now it is extremely hard to focus on anything but you, she is the woman in my life, who, like you, is very strong and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her, which is comforting. Anytime that I miss you, I call or text her and she helps me get through it. It sucks that she is so far away too though. The two women who mean the most to me, one is gone the other is too far away to see or hug. I wish that we could still do all the things we’ve always talked about doing like, going to Vegas when I turn 21, and going to Europe, and New York and going deep sea fishing again. I miss all the small things the most I think. I miss getting calls just to check on me. I miss arguing over stupid things for no particular reason other than to prove the other person wrong. I miss having someone who knows about all the things I like, even though you have no interest in them, just because I like them. I was told that you wanted me to take your ashes to Galveston and spread them in the ocean. I would be honored to do that, but I think it may take me a while before I have the strength to do that. It’s hard to let go. You were my whole life for 18 almost 19 years, and you will continue to be a huge part of it, I just won’t have you here to physically share. You mean the world to me Mom and I will miss you forever.

Love your son,

Phillip

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